“Hello, and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Cooperative testing track. We hope your week has been a pleasant one. please get in a group of two to begin the test proper. Before we start, however, keep in mind that, although fun and learning are the primary goals of cooperative track activities, serious injuries may occur.”
Formerly a company specializing in shower curtains as Aperture Fixtures and now paving the way with cutting edge experimental physics research, Aperture Laboratories is a household name in science. Founded by our marvelous lord and savior Cave Johnson, Aperture Laboratories has been a hallmark of progress at any cost for decades. Pioneers in AI technology like GLaDOS, quantum tunneling portal devices, edible supplements like repulsion gel and acceleration gel, Aperture Labs is a shining beacon of hope for humanity.
Each keychain is emblazoned with the Aperture Laboratories logo on it, personally inspected by GLaDOS for quality assurance, and sent to its new loyal owner to show their mandatory loyalty and pride in Aperture Labs. Measuring approximately 3 inches wide, the shiny Space Age metal will endure for millennia. Probably.
(Please allow 3-5 business days for handling and portal calibration.)